Ur So Vain, Bet U Think This Blog's Bout U

Went to see a friend's band perform tonight at this venue am not familiar with. Brilliant night though & the band didn't disappoint.

Upon arrival I saw the venue was filled with scenesters & naturally felt out of place. Although I wasn't dressed up like a scenester, cuz am not one, I was more originally dressed than most there. No fishnets, red lipstick or died dark hair. Call me boring but I can wear the dullest outfit & STILL get stared at all damn night. Am not bragging, it's a pain. I just don't need to make such an effort like these otherwise rather plain & plump scenester chicks.

The "friends" I met up with are people I work with. Some of them I see as nothing more than colleagues, but others I'd like to be a friend to, (namely the guy in the band). He's hilarious. He really is & I luv it. In fact, we're already friends. He's recently out of a big screwwy relationship, which I can empathise with, & tonight he told me he's "starting to enjoy the freedom". I'm happy for him because I know exactly how it feels. There is nothing better than the rush of freedom, independence & autonomy one gets when free from a controlling partner.
I know a lot of people experience this but a few months down the line they're at it again! Before they know it they're trapped in another screwwy relationship with a partner telling them to dust the shelves, under the bed & that 30 mins they spent at the gym isn't long enough to even begin burning off that fat. Gee thanks.

My advice? Stay single for God's sake! Learn about yourself. Be selfish. The very moment you jump on the treadmill of life: 9-5 job, house, spouse, kids, you'll barely find time for yourself. There's a lot to be said for having time to indulge yourself, and that time should be between the ages of 18 & at least 26, when we're growing & learning about everything.

NOTE: A discussion with a mature friend of mine, who's training to be a counsellor, determined the age we learn most about ourselves. By about 26 we usually know what we're all about. Don't know if it's true yet but I take his word for it. I certainly agree that from 18 up we become aware of who we really are. Of course, life circumstances determine the age of such self-awareness, but generally let's say it starts at 18.

Amazingly, most people spend those years in a relationship with another person. In the 60's this was the norm. Women married at 18 & settled to have a family, relying on the male to provide. Now, since women are expected to get educated & earn their own, there's no need to pair up. No need at all!
Again, life circumstances cause emotions & reasons we're not even aware of, which mean we enter into relationships only to compromise, suppress & mold ourselves into something far from our true selves. This is an exhausting act & often, once out of the relationship, the sacrificing one of the two, is a shadow of themselves & relieved to be free.

At 23, I feel enlightened & free from the idea that I must be in a relationship with a man to be happy. Far from it. At 19 though, I'd lost my mother & only parent & main supply of love. A relationship was the one way I could keep some sort of love source in my life & therefore stay sane. Sadly, this was with a very wrong type of partner for me & I escaped, dazed & not knowing who the hell I was.

After a rocky year, where I entered into a healthy relationship & learnt I could have a NICE relationship with a man who likes & respects me, with great sex & lots of laughs, it came to a natural end & we parted. Finally, with love from my extended family, living alone, making decisions for myself, getting a steady job, having therapy & beginning a delayed grief process over my mother's death, I started to relax. Wow. Took a few years but I'm here, healthily single, the way I should be at my age. Feels great :-)

What I've learnt is all about me. And I like it. I'm glad I know so much about myself, because how can I know another & expect them to fall for me if I don't know myself? I'd repeat my first disastrous relationship over & over. Nightmare!

Ultimately, I don't regret that one mother huge mistake of a relationship, because I've learnt from it. At a young age, I learnt all about being controlled & manipulated by a soul-sucking, energy draining "vampire", how to have my confidence chipped away at, how to doubt myself & drive myself crazy trying to change for someone who cannot be pleased. Why? What's wrong with me? FUCK ALL that's what. I'm fine. THEY'RE not OK. They're sick & need help. Will justice prevail? HAhaha. No. With mother's treating sons as sultans, sons never learn. They marry a woman & after breaking her, end up being unhappy anyway, or they marry a woman, drive her away & end up alone. Many women marry these charming & handsome men young,thus not learning in time the true horror behind these guys. You see them, neurotic, false, beaten, hiding, quiet, or dead. But I went there, bought the t-shirt & got the hell outta there to live & tell the tale & know NEVER to make the same mistake! You won't see me with no misogynistic momma's boy. Oh no. You won't catch me being no narcissistic source, oh no.

It's sad, many women don't realise they're living with their enemy until it's too late. Thank God for what I've learnt from experience.

I'll make a great partner. No dusting, no perfect body, dislikes DVDs & takes an age to get ready to go out. A real life messy, chatty, vegan, writer girlfriend. Hey, that's just me :-)

P.S. Prince charming, the man of your dreams, the perfect man, is a myth like Santa Claus (another lesson I learned).