Blabber Mouth Boyfriends

My boyfriend is a blabber mouth. He talks about me a lot. I put it down to immaturity. When we first got together, I'd share something private with him which he, wanting to feel more masculine than he is around his most masculine friend, would bring up. To my annoyance, I felt like the parent in the relationship, giving pointers on how to keep some things private. (As a child, I remember being taught this by my own mother.) Then I let this go, safe in the knowledge he took on board my annoyance & changed his ways.
It's hard for me to discuss being a writer with anyone. I used to live with a guy who never knew I was writing, all the time lying to him that I was shopping or doing housework, etc etc. Part of being the new me, the Sara who has grieved for her mother, is admitting I am a writer & writing full time. Tom is my boyfriend, it is something he knows is a huge part of my life, and he discusses it. Yes with his super-genius 18 yr old brother, soon to be attending Cambridge. When I met his brother I was, shockingly, bombarded with questions about writing a book. I felt quizzed, interrogated, uncomfortable, unhappy. I hated it. It is private to ME.
I suggest my boyfriend read a light teeny book popular at the time, which he went on to lose, immediately, out of the car door. After replacing it, (Brownie point), he starts to read it, criticizes it of course & goes on to tell me about these short stories written in the Victorian age. Well, this is something I cannot discuss. It is not my reading material. So I am happy to listen to how great his book is, & one day will pick it up myself. But I read as a writer & I'm short on time as it is so don't have time to read everything. Tom goes on to tell me how his parents only have old books in their house & encourage him and siblings to read the same stuff. Cool. My mum didn't. Just another difference in Tom & my's upbringing. He went to private school, me, public. His father a solicitor & mother primary school teacher, my mother a social worker & father absent. This is not a problem for Tom, & I didn't think it was for me, except he seems to bring up our class difference a lot, almost questioning if I am comfortable with the difference. Eventually, especially after him putting down my reading material, I do feel uncomfortable. How on earth am I to explain myself as a writer when I will not be able to hold my own in a discussion about great literary works of art? My mum always told me I didn't listen to Radio 4 enough! She was right of course.
Previous to this, Tom wrapped me up in the compliment of how opinionated I am, but how concerned he is about me meeting his father. His father detests vegetarians you see. And his brothers will tease me! I'm thinking (defensively), I have discussions and opinions shared with my boyfriend that I am not going to share at the dinner table like some impolite chav. (I hate the word chav, sorry chavs. It's a word used by my boyfriend). Consequently, we've been dating almost 6 months I think & I've yet to meet his whole family. However, that's his fault ha! In time, maybe I will. But I'm fine for now, although I appreciate it may seem a little rude of me. I'm reluctant to because my vampire ex's mother was also an emotional drain on me.
LOL he's just called, we've had a row & sorted things...for now. I've told him I think he's too critical of himself & of me & that relationships are supposed to bring out the best in people, not the worst. He told me as far as he's concerned this is sorted now so he doesn't want me freezing him out for a couple of days. (Gosh, he knows me), but I said so that means he wants to come over & fuck me. He said no, but there's a gig tues night he'd like me to make. We'll see.
He's basically criticised every song, barring two, on a "mix tape", (MP3 player) I got him for Christmas. Just cuz he's a drummer in a band gives him no right to criticise it. The whole point of the present is to listen to a few tracks meaningful to me, then record over them with his own stuff. Christ, the minute we got together he brought a bag full of CDs over for me to listen to, which I did. And did I say "Hey, these are shit," no, I was polite. He guessed which one I wasn't keen on, to which my repsonse was, "Hm yeah." And moved topic on. I'm not saying he can't disect music with me, or have opinions. I'm saying come on, I'm your girlfriend, I made you something, don't rip it to shreds you thoughtless, insensitive CUNT. He isn't a nasty guy. There isn't an aggressive bone in his body...well, not really. I don't think he meant anything maliciously, but he is so up his own arse sometimes.

A lot of girls are loving Robert Pattinson right now, cuz he is an awesome actor playing, very convincingly, Stephenie Meyer's hot vampire hero, but in real life, in his interviews? He is a bumbling, weedy, dawky, guffawing English private school boy. He reminds me of Tom, stopping and starting his sentences, and running his sweaty fingers through his floppy hair like my gay Oxford grad friend. Is this what men are? Young men in their 20's, sensitive intellectuals, or else grunting gorillas with little respect for themselves let alone women?

Men suck...but not in the good way like Edward Cullen or Angel from Buffy. What a shame that in reality the only alternative is lesbianism, and not hot daemon gods.

There are good points to my boyf. He has a conscience. He is a talented musician and poet. He is in love with art and architecture and cooking. He is fit and exercises lots. He has a healthy sexual appetite. He is expressive, educated, responsible, caring, kind, generous. When I tell him off, he listens and acts. He is amazing really. I worry I push him away and criticise HIM too much, but ultimately, we're getting along OK.

I didn't tell you this but I was sick over Christmas; the winter vom bug I believe. After admitting I needed help, I called Tom early hours in the morning, Tom was still out pAArtying, got on his bike, went to an all night Sainsburys, sobered up with a bottle of water and bought me tissues. He stayed with me all night and day taking care of me and didn't leave me till mid day on Christmas day. He then filled in my shift at work for me. I am very lucky to have him. I love him & he loves me...I just wish he wasn't so proud about it all the time.

Possessed by It, Obsessed with It

^^that's how I feel about my story/novel. At the start of 08 I left full time employment, pursuing part time to enable me to concentrate wholly on my writing. As I have a tendency to keep myself isolated, I took a job in a busy social environment. Naturally, I made friends, one in particular (now my boyfriend). I'm young, for my career as a writer, time is on my side (so I'm told). After months of grieving and working hard & being alone, I welcomed this new friendship to my life, & that's what it was, friendship. I liked him lots, but never saw in as any more than a friend. I looked forward to working with him & remember staying up at work all Saturday night/morning, only to go and do a car boot sale early Sunday together. Maybe it started then, when we realised we got along well outside of work, just the two of us. I was shocked when Tom kissed me for the first time, but it felt so good (surprisingly) and I kissed him back. I'm very lucky to have him in my life. He gave me an awesome summer - dates on rowing boats where he brought along a picnic, & at the beach where we shared lingering hugs, climbing a cherry tree for me & feeling his tongue suck the cherry juices from my neck. Neither of us wanted anything serious, we took it really slow, but I fell in love with him. I knew I loved him as a friend, as a person, as a human being, so I was uncertain about taking us to another level for fear of losing him. I would rather have him as a friend than not at all.
It was a good idea to go for it though. Tom brought me to life this summer & I'll be eternally grateful for that. I remember feeling my heart swelling with love for him; feels wonderful. So tired was I of the deflated feeling my heart experienced so many times, let down by "friends", family etc.
In October, when my novel wasn't completed, I panicked, listened to my "critical parent" & enquired about a college course, just as a back up, orientated around writing scripts (the only other means of writing I am OK at - although yes, the absolute opposite from novel writing). Starting the course two months in, I had missed a lot. Then I was sick as I've mentioned in "Update", & my writing took over. I tried writing with pen & paper & found myself flourishing. This is clearly the method for me. Sitting at my laptop to write just paralyses me with fear & my sentences are awkward and difficult. Writing as a I did as a child, laid out on the carpet, just works for me. Plus, when I come to copy it onto the laptop every few pages, it's a kind of draft, instead of just rambling forever on Word only to delete it all later because I haven't stopped to read it over. ANYWAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
My writing was on fire & I was doing it every single night & loving it. I felt like I was finding my voice, I am in love with characters, tweaked the storyline/subplots, added a very important character I had neglected & found myself thinking about them all a massive amount of each day. BAM! Work load at college kicks in, not a lot of writing, lots of practical, but after eight-ish hours writing up college stuff, I felt dissatisfied & thought "that's eight hours I coulda spent writing my novel...SHIT". Two nights not writing physically hurt. It upset me and put me in a bad mood. I feel possessed by my writing and I am obsessed with this novel & set of characters and their story. I love it with all my heart. So, after a month of study, which I'm glad for, it might be time to defer til next Sep, as was the original plan back early on in 08, and give myself chance to actually write & finish this thing ! Yeah! As my mentor (a published author better known in the US of A) recently told me "Decide for yourself, for you, no matter how crazy it might seem to those around you." God love him lol xx