Head-strong Girlfriends

So I woke up after my Hellish day yesterday, groomed myself & before six thirty pm I was at Tom's new place. Natch, I needed help getting into the place, but once inside I loved it. It is so Tom. From the bottles of Port on the side to different kinds of Olive oil in the kitchen. Not to mention the eclectic art work. I love Tom. There are things about him that occasionally grate on me, (our boss reminds me of Jay from Kevin Smiths movies. Don't expect Tom to know who Kevin Smith is!) as I'm sure there are things about me that do the same to him, but he is one of my favorite people. I missed having him in my life, but I know I hurt him, & think I've made a careful task of keeping him on my radar. I've given him space, I feel he's licked his wounds & now we can get on with being best friends, like I always wanted. And what a best friend he is. I am myself with him. I can talk to him about anything. I'm very comfortable with him. He is my perfect newest best friend.
I was careful not to drink too much, stay over or even kiss him, just to see what it's like, for fear of ruining all of my careful work. But I did make the mistake of telling him not to let slip to Daniel that I'd gone to see him.
(I'd told Daniel earlier on that I didn't want to meet up that night, owing to feeling run down, low & having a bad day. I don't wanna moan all night to my date!)
But guess who I can moan to for twenty minutes straight without feeling too bad about it? Tom! But that's what friends do. They share secrets, complaints, trust, conspiracies, and it hopefully works.
Tom & I had a hoot. Boy can that guy make me laugh, and I make him laugh. And we laugh so hard it hurts sometimes, well, quite a lot of the time.
This guy I make fun of, one of my customers at work, but he's friends with everyone at work and all the other locals/regulars, walked by the window, where Tom & I were sat eating some veg he'd "roasted the fuck out of" (it's amusing hearing him swear because he's so Hugh Grant pompous). Anyway we rang him & I was able to take the proverbial Mick out of him, calling him "fat nuts Jack". It's just funny. Anyway, then we settled onto the sofa & for a long time I'd had an aching back. Tom was more than happy to massage me. He's good at it because he doesn't act all soft & sensual. He knows am in pain & goes for it. Great stuff. Today, my back feels much better!! But it gave him chance to give me a quick hug, then when he'd finished I threw my legs onto his lap, chatting away, as we'd done so many times before. It was eleven pm before I decided I'd leave.

I don't want to lose Tom; this, I've always known. I'm afraid I will when he finds some woman who wants him for herself. I suppose that's all for the future, but it's a worry at the back of my mind.
Tom told me how he picks head-strong girlfriends, and he's right, because I know that right now, I don't want to be with him. I don't want to be his girlfriend.