sociopathic friends

Making new friends calls for us to be on our best behaviour, right? After a suitable period of time passes we feel able to relax & be ourselves, yes? Is it even possible to be ourselves when we play respective roles with every friend? How we are with one friend is not how we are with another, not because we're being false, but because we know them.
I can discuss all & sundry with my best friend forever, but with a pal of 6 months I "topic manage". Other friends may be particularly sensitive to scathing wit, so save it for those who take it blithely, only to give as good as they get. It's all about fun for me, right now: those who make me laugh, laugh at me, with me & let me laugh at them. Suffice to say, those with a chip on their shoulder (a lot of people) don't stay friends with me for long.

I recently cooled a friendship with someone who I thought had so much potential. However, past hurts encouraged me to monitor our meetings. Sure enough, 6 months past & her good behaviour waned. Her jokes came thick & fast, but she lacked the ability to relate to me & became increasingly negative; seeing the negative in almost every opinion or experience I shared, pointing out negatives I didn't see, which, in turn made me feel foolish for not seeing them. My heart slowly sank as lunch ended & I quietly drove her home, realising she is a soul-sucker, a drainer, a self-defeating demon with low esteem, low energy & ready to drain my energy.
I did confront her negative thinking, explaining I hadn't thought of the negative sides, to which she tells me to simply ignore her. But I can't. I'm already too damaged by negative people & am not about to offer myself to another. Sad.

NOTE: negative person not a pessimist (in my view), cuz we're all occasionally pessimistic & to be forever optimistic is foolish & down right annoying.


I recently heard that a sociopath is one who first tells you to "mind the carpet" when you have a nose bleed, instead of expressing concern for you. My friend of 20 yrs recently shared a similar conversation she had with another of our "friends" & the more I wonder, the more I'm proved correct instead of totally wrong, this friend is a segment short of a whole orange. Oh dear. Unfortunately for me, my best friend attracts these ppl like honey to the bee. And they never leave. Why then, am I so intent on keeping my friendship with her? Perhaps I'm so aware of sociopaths because my father is one & therefore, he is a part of me. I choose not to indulge those tendencies, & live as humanely as possible. Thank God for my mother.

NOTE: not everyone who does me wrong is a sociopath, narcissist, no, but the ones in my life (& they are in everyone's life) are most interesting because they are so alien. Recognising them has been healing & frightening, but a forever battle...

My father, the one with strong narcissistic personality disorder traits mixed with anxiety disorder traits, will always have to be "dealt with" until the day he dies, even when he lives over in Egypt. Damn texts & emails.

The mutual friend of mine & my best friend's will also, always be around, because she means a lot to my best friend, & I still hold out hope for her. As far as being highly sensitive (we're always walking on eggshells) & infuriatingly self-involved, she is. But a true sociopath? I don't know. I doubt it though she had a bad relationship with her mother as a child & her obsession with serial killers is outright weird. Still, a sociopath? Perhaps just possessing a few traits of the narcissistic personality disorder.

I know I'm not an expert, & I don't express my limited knowledge as a mechanism to "show off", no. That's what narcissists do: "I'm not a psychiatrist but..." and then they go on to talk a lot of clap trap about psychiatry to look intelligent. But I AM a writer, & I DO have freaks in my life & I enjoy analysing. So, characters, narcissism, analysis? I'm there!

P.S, if you've ever dated a narcissist (surprise, surprise I have), listen to "narcissus" by alanis morisette - you'll love it. Kisses

psychotic characters

Psychology fascinates me, not enough so I wanna get a degree in it, but in a book store, I can spend hours in the pop psychology department. And I usually end up buying something. As a writer people's behaviour fascinates me. Not sure when this interest began, but I guess my mother's thirteen years working with Hull's most horrific pedophiles sparked it. What do you think?

There's nothing better than writing a psycho/sociopathic character into a novel because of their weirdness. I love it because it's alien to me. I'm a good person. I'm good to others for no reason than it's my natural impulse to be good. If someone I work with mentions their birthday, I'll get 'em a card. (but then I feel bad for the tree)

I'm a strong believer in monsters existing in human form & that good-natured folk's greatest weakness is believing all people are good deep down inside. Deep down inside some people are bad. Funnily, I wondered about this stuff as a child & as an adult, the more I learn, the more sure I am that there are different types of human beings. Those with a part of the brain for conscience & empathy & those without. Nothing's black & white so I concede, sure, there are those with a conscience who are cruel regardless; they're monsters too.

Name-calling time!

I'm certain my father has a personality disorder. Granted, no one should go around calling people names undiagnosed, especially when professionals can disagree with each others diagnoses, but he's my father & having being abused by him I feel fine in diagnosing him with definite leanings toward narcissistic & anxiety disorders. Frasier Crane once said: "Knowledge is power." But I also find knowledge to be healing. Knowing that my father's paranoid, angry, frightening & downright insane behaviour is nothing to do with me but all to do with himself & his own disorder heals me greatly. But it also sparked a fascination with personality disorders, of which I was always interested but now I like the characters in my books to be diseased of the mind somehow.

Other freaks in my life as a child growing up? Cruel baby-sitter. Neurotic aunt. Emotionally crippled Nana (cruel to my mummy in front of me). I could go on, but I won't in this entry.

So this entry has all been about me really - my favourite subject! One of. Have to say, this blog is gonna be a cool place for me to spout off all my opinions on stuff. And no I am not gonna use huge, big words. What is the point when smaller ones will do? Though I luv my English language & my big words I truly do, but am not pretentious...which reminds me...why is it considered pretentious to use technical terminology, archaic words and words with multiple syllables? Kisses